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About Varied / Hobbyist Laura Joy (LJ)Female/United States Groups :iconlong-exposure: Long-Exposure
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Deviant for 4 Years
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Mamas, Don't bury your babies out in the backyard
When they grow old enough to disappoint.
When the sapling branches in the wrong direction,
Sever the limb, or support it with string to grow in a new direction.

If you're determined to bury them,
Dig a hole shallow to nourish growing things,
Plant a garden to help them flourish
Not a grave to simply forget.

Often I find myself wandering between tombstones.
Sometimes I think it to be true,
That the only way I could grow into something new
Is to be planted in the earth.

My soul would rise as a stone, strong and without fear.
My thoughts just a marking on the earth
For some to be reminded that I ever walked here,
Forever an emblem, scrawled with just my name and a date.

Each stone and cross a memorial to someone's stolen identity,
No one would remember any of the bad about me;
Just the recycled letters forming the words of my claim to fame.
A date to timeline my life and death.

Some days I wonder why the young so often cease to exist,
Why the old mouths water for their own demise
When the earth is full of songs, music fills sunset skies,
But yet many of us so impatiently wait for death's arrival.

And many of us wait for death's arrival because we have been left,
Because we have been buried already by those who loved us.
Our mother's buried their babies in the back yard,
Our companions deserted us out of the coldness of their hearts.

We are mistakes, out casts, set apart.
We don't choose this fate, to be thinking of death all the time;
To awake crying, to lash out, to invert our hurt.
There's a reason some trees die and others live.

It's natures way of weeding out the weak,
The flawed give up the fight, their insides rot and die.
The strong survive and reproduce stronger offspring
It's the way of the world, so if you've wondered, this is why.

Many times we could have been built up, made strong,
But no one could take the time or knew how to prune our branches right.
So, some of us took to pruning our own limbs
In an attempt to purge ourselves of the parts we don't like.

In the beginning it would have been easy,
Only needed a gentle touch, a trunk supported when we grew weak,
A limb tied up with string when it began to grow awry.
But instead we are chopped down, burnt or buried, left to die.

So, If you're determined to bury us,
Dig a hole shallow enough to nourish growing things,
Plant a garden to help us flourish
Not a grave to simply forget.

Some plants can be grown from the branches of their original source,
Clipped off from the weak trunk, re planted at the wound,
Tended and grown, cared for and loved
Until we can make ourselves new.
A clenched fist never made a good punchline,
And maybe that's why you didn't fight for me.
Maybe that's why you let me go as easily
As your dirty laundry you'd always leave at my place.

Just like today when you said it was one of the top ten best days of your life.
That despite me having left you only a week ago today,
It's one of the best days of your life?
And I'm the one feeling like your trashcan.

These past seven days make my top ten worst days.
While you're breathing just fine I'm drowning.
My best friends are talking about their boyfriends can do no wrong,
Like they're the twin sons of God

They can do no wrong and here I am still calling you my boyfriend,
Mistakenly of course, I'm more than done with you.
Perhaps on the outside I look happy too,
While the world is crumbling and crashing around me.

My heart is the epicenter of this quaking in my life.
The riptide is dragging me out to sea,
But all I wish for in this ocean of agony
Is to hear your voice, a light house leading me back to shore.

All I can hear is you saying today was in your top ten.
Right now I can't even imagine having a good day
When I fall asleep thinking of you and death every night.
When I fall asleep with my hands clutching eachother to feel less alone.

Holding my fingers from grasping the pills by my bedside,
The razors hidden between the books on myself.
I fall asleep digesting cold pizza from last night's half baked dinner.
I fall asleep thinking of the weight it'll make me gain tomorrow.

But hey, at least I covered my sorrow in cheese and marinara sauce,
Not to mention extra sliced onions on top.
The spice makes me feel something akin to feelings
And that's as close as I can get to anything but emptiness.

As my walls collapse through a ranting text
You say I can call if I need to tonight,
But you're the last person I'd want to call when I'm losing the fight.
I don't even want the fight put back into me.

I want it to go. I want to take my last breath.
I want this all to end here on my bedroom floor
Where just a week ago we nearly made love, but only fucked.
And you're acting the least bit upset.

You don't care that I'm gone, I shouldn't care if I go either.
You're too busy having the best days of your life.
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs into a void of lost love.
I'm standing at the edge with only my stupidity holding me back.

You then ask me what I'm doing right now,
After your half hearted "I'm here for you." text.
I tell you that I'm writing poems, but you won't ask,
You never cared anyway. You say they're good stress relief.

You'll say it's good that I'm doing something I'm good at,
But how would you know if You've never even seen them,
Cause trust me, these suck, and everything sucks.
How would you know if my poems are even any good?

How can you encourage me with your well wished lies?
Maybe I should just appreciate that you're actually trying.
Honestly, it means nothing to me anymore,
Just like this ink means nothing to you.
I sit here with my black tea leaf-sifted spearmint- cinnamon- clove- allspice tea
and ponder poetry.
You're off pondering prices at the Mall Of America.

My friends are MIA, one's partying and one is at a family gathering,
And would much rather be partying.
Though here I sit with my posh tea contemplating the abduction of Persephone.

Much like her, it seems, my persona has been stolen by the God of the Underworld.
But this is the doing of my own demons.
The ones that keep me up at night, hungry for blood, prepared to fight for it.

I'm hungry too, but my appetite has been scared away, just the thought makes me sick.
I'm damned to stay eternally
In the sky or deep in the earth below the depths of the seas, though never in between.

Perhaps I'll come out for brief amounts of time, but straight back I go.
I never really like the in between anyway,
I tend to feel alone in crowded rooms, alone even with those I know.

This is the hand I've been dealt so i spend most of my days in my self proclaimed tomb.
I'm left here to rust
For throwing away my trust into any open arms that will have me.  


NahaniDawg's Profile Picture
Laura Joy (LJ)
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Hey its L.J.!!!
  • Mood: Optimism
I am moving to a new account: ! feel free to follow me on my new journey to new and better art and a new chapter in my life!

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Journal History



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Matthew-Fuller Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Heeeey!!:cakerun:  Oh my gosh it's your birthday!! Free Birthday Icon Happy birthday my friend!!Happy Birthday Grin  I hope you have a good one ^___^
Matthew-Fuller Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh my gosh! Heeeey!!!Hi! furious wave :bouncyhai:  Aw i've missed you so much my friend!!^______^ how have you been?:shuffelin: Kitty Dance Frog dance  hehe :D
NahaniDawg Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I've been okay! Really busy with school and such. How about you? Been on any cool adventures? 
mattbearcat Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the fav!
Zalaria Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh gosh thank you for the fave! <3
zivocich Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you for the watch :)
etienne242 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank's a lot for the favourite :hug:…
lfsn Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Student General Artist
Happy birthday, you amazing person you! I hope your day is wonderful! <3
OrientalArc Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Happy birthday, Laura..!!
Matthew-Fuller Featured By Owner May 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Aww heeeey!! :wave: how have you been?
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